


Lost Boy

by newtdise



Category: The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner, the maze runner
Genre: Delusion, Gen, Mentall Illness, The Maze Runner - Freeform, capgras delusion, im sorry, tmr - Freeform, why am i writing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-18
Updated: 2014-06-18
Packaged: 2018-02-05 05:08:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1806421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newtdise/pseuds/newtdise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Perhaps, he was just a lost boy who had come to point where he realized that there's no way out, there's no way to go home.  He climbed up the wall that had been protecting him and his new family in this huge maze from the grievers. He got up to the top of this covered with thick ivy wall. He looked down, it was pretty high and scary but he was not frightened of the heights.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost Boy

**Author's Note:**

> I suggest you to listen to Oblivion by Bastille while reading this :)

The blonde guy stopped running for a while. He was all alone. His wet blonde hair turned darker, he was puffing. He looked around him, the walls stood still and so did he. But this idea which came out of frustration and desperation crept into him all over again. He could not take it any longer, he could endure this any longer. No one could be put through a burden that they could not endure but for him, this burden on his shoulders was way harder than he could ever hold though it was not. He looked to one of the wall, stepped closer to it. He stretched his hand to the wall and started climbing up. 

He climbed one of the enormous walls made of grey stone. Maybe it was not his own will, maybe he was just doing things out of depression that had reign in his soul and mind for a long time. Maybe he just missed his family and home. Perhaps, he was just a lost boy who had come to point where he realized that _there's no way out, there's no way to go home_.  He climbed up the wall that had been protecting him and his new family in this huge maze from the grievers. He thought he had got up to the top of this covered with thick ivy wall. He looked down, it was pretty high and scary but he was not frightened of the heights. But still it wasn't the top already. His hands were tired, as tired as his mind  _Do a flip_ whispered voices in his head. This blonde-haired boy grumbled, trying to get rid of those voice that had been lurking in his mind since forever. But eventually, he gave up. Those eyes of him were closed when he threw himself down.  _  
_

"Baby, is that you?" a familiar voice smooth as silk, echoed from his back. "Newt?" she asked, her voice was getting closer.

But Newt was too confused to answer. He was in a room all colored in white. Even the hospital gown he was wearing was also white with no stain. Questions were floating his mind. He almost forgot that he was not alone there. Finally, the woman reached him, she pressed her palm against Newt's shoulder. Newt turned to her and their eyes met. She looked old, maybe she was in her middle 40-ish. Her face was familiar, but New was not sure either. She had a blonde hair like Newt, her face implied a sadness but also joy, worries and relieved. It took a while before Newt could realize that their eyes looked same. Four brown eyes, belonged to a mother and her son. 

"Mom?" Newt almost whispered and his voice was broken. He didn't know where the word come from, it just popped up in his mind. Newt waited the woman in front of her to say something, but she said nothing. She stood still in silence for a moment.  

The woman herself smiled and her eyes got teary. Her shoulders lowered and she took a step backwards. Her mouth was open but no voice came out. She went speechless. Newt gave himself a courage to step closer to her mother and put his arms around her. She did the same. They burst into tears of joy. Finally after they were departed for a couple of years, they found each other. The moment and expressions they showed were priceless. Though Newt did not remember anything about his childhood or his family, a strong strange feeling told him that she was her mother. That was probably another proof of the power of human heart, even though all your memories were erased, your heart still remembered what brain could not. 

"Am I dead?" 

His mother shook her head. "You're not supposed to be here, not yet." she said. 

"I don't wanna go back to that bloody maze!" he broke down. His mother smiled and pulled him closer to her, she stoke his hair calmly which relaxed him. But then in a blink of an eye, it all turned dark. Sometimes, what happened in reality was the opposite of what you wished.

Meanwhile, Alby waited for Newt to come back from running. It passed the normal time already. Worried started to vine him from his toe to head. He knew something had gone wrong. He went out to look for Newt. After awhile he saw a limb body, laid on the ground with a broken leg. "NEWT!!!" Alby screamed he ran to him. He knelt by Newt's body and reached to feel his pulse on his neck. Newt's heart was still beating, slow. Alby sighed in relieved. He carried Newt and brought him back to the maze before the doors closed. 

His eyelids opened as the twilight crashed into his eyes, kicking the darkness away. The familiar smell filled his lungs, he probably was in the hut which mean, he  _survived_ the jump. He felt relieved. However what he was looking for was not the gladers, he was looking for his mother. But he could not find her anywhere. He woke up in the hut and this time he was not alone, a guy was there by his side to accompany him. "Newt?" he asked. 

Newt turned to him, he was confused, it was Alby's voice but the guy who's sitting near him was  _not_ Alby. It was someone else who looked like Alby. "Who're ya, shuckface?" he replied. 

Alby was lost. He was starting to drown in a sea full of questions and confusion.  _He doesn't recognize me? Does Newt lose his memories? What exactly happened out there?_

"Where's Tommy?" Newt asked, he was worried. It also answered the second question that popped out in Alby's head. This indicated that Newt did not lose his memories, he still had his memories but somehow something went really wrong with his brain and he couldn't recognize Alby. Without saying any words, Alby walked out the hut and called Thomas to come in. Thomas who was chatting with Chuck, nodded in relief, he knew Newt had awaken. He asked if Chuck wanted to join him in the hut but Chuck gave him a non-answer. 

"Newt? How you feelin'?" Thomas asked when he got in the hut. Thomas was not just staring at the limb body with a broken leg but also at a bird with broken wings. 

But Newt did not answer him. Thomas called Newt's name again. "You're not Tommy. Who are you?!" Newt yelled at him. Thomas stepped back in shock. Alby sighed and took Thomas out of the hut with him. They left Newt alone. Newt was confused and scared. Imagine if you're Newt though.. Like you wake up in the place you know, in the place that almost feels like home, surrounded by a total stranger who looks like someone you really love? But they're not them. To be exact imagine you wake up in a condition where you've just tried to end your life, then in a dream you go to only god knows where and meet your mother there? Oh, it has not ended there, then you wake up in the least place you want to be and a stranger with a voice like your lover sits next to you? And all you know is that, that person is not your lover, it's just a poser who pretends to be your lover. That kind of feeling could be cruel and ruthless.

Tears escaped Newt's eyes. Though every tear that fell made him hate himself even more, Newt could not stop crying. He looked up at the ceiling, he was broken and devastated but the worst part was : he was scared that he woke up in a place where he didn't know anyone and he could not trust anyone.

Outside, Alby and Thomas separated themselves from other gladers. They talked in a low voice. "What's wrong with him?" Thomas asked. Alby shook his head. He really did not know. 

* * *

 Meanwhile in WICKED headquarters, one of the the elite people who worked with Chancellor Ava Paige, one of The Creators of WICKED--World In Catastrophe: Killzone Department-- or maybe people who worked for her suddenly stood up from his black leather armchair, "He's showing signs of _Capgras Delusion_ ," he said, but his eyes are locked on to the screens where they watched their subjects in the maze. 

"Who exactly?" someone in the room asked. There were around 5 people in the room that's painted in white. Everything seemed to be in white and labelled with WICKED. 

"Subject A5 is showing signs of _Capgras Delusion. Capgras Delusion_ is an illness in which a person holds a delusion that the person he knows, he loves is someone else. This kind of disorder makes the one who suffers this disorder thinks that the person he knows or loves is being taken away, and being replaced with someone else who looks a lot like them. _Capgras delusion_ is similar to reduplicative paramnesia, another misidentification syndrome."

"What causes this disorder? Why are you so sure that subject A5 suffers it?" another person in the room spoke. Ava Paige sat in silence, probably listening to her team. 

"Subject A5 threw himself off from the wall, it must've caused an injury in his brain which also caused  _Capgras Delusion._ " the man said as he typed something on his keyboard, showing more about  _Capgras Delusion_. 

"Is this going to be a threat for our experiment?" Ava Paige spoke after the silence that hung on the room just after the man stopped talking. No one answered her, everyone was in doubt and no one knew what to say. Ava Paige knew about  _Capgras Delusion_  she just never expected that one of her experiment subjects could suffer such an awful disorder. Ava Paige waited for almost one minute for her team to speak up, she needed answer. 

"Is this going to be a threat for our experiment?" she echoed, her voice was laced with anger. Everyone except herself stared at the floor. 

"I don't know for sure. But it could be, I mean anything could happen." 

"Should we terminate him? For good?" 

"We should observe him first before killing him, besides we need to find a way to kill him without making anyone else in the maze freak out." 

That ended the conversation as The Creators continued watching the gladers in the maze.

* * *

 A week later Newt wandered around the glade alone. His leg was not fully healed but he forced himself to wander this glade anyway. Even though every time he moved his leg, pain stung him into his bones like wasps. He kept asking himself where the real gladers are. He even thought that maybe he was already dead and this was hell. But of course he was not dead and this was still the glade.

Eventually he climbed up to the tree house and sat there alone. He looked down at these people who pretended to be the gladers. Newt thought maybe it was him. Maybe something went wrong with his brain. Maybe these boys were not posers, maybe they were actually who they were but Newt just couldn't see them. Newt could recognize their voices that's what made him think that the problem perhaps was him.

He wanted to tell about this to them, but Newt could not trust them. Even though his heart screamed that he could trust them or at least let them try, his brain said the opposite. This drove Newt insane. The other gladers knew Newt was not okay. But they were afraid of talking to him. The last time Thomas tried to talk to him, Newt yelled at him to go away, he almost attacked Thomas. And that was that. With a broken heart Alby told the gladers to never get close to Newt ever again.

Alby had no choice. He had to say that. Because 1) he did not want Newt to get banished 2) which would happen if Newt hurt one of the gladers by attacking him. Newt raged every time anyone tried to talk to him or ask him to believe them. Newt himself didn't know why, it just happened out of his control.

The glade was never the same ever since then. Though Frypan kept serving Newt supper to make sure Newt wouldn't starve. However Newt just left the meal cold without eating it. He looked at the runners, he knew he used to be one. But now? Why would he run? He had limp now. He _can't_ run like he used to. Newt kept thinking that maybe he should just kill himself again, maybe he's better die. 

Every day Newt thought of the dream he had where he met his mother. He wondered if it was real. Every day he thought of his limp that would haunt him until the last day of his life. He hated that limp because it reminded him of how he failed everything. It reminded him of how he lost everyone. He's just a lost boy now, with no one to trust, no one to love. He's just a lost boy who had no idea of everything that was happening to him. He needed help but he couldn't find one.

Those days were hell for Newt and for Thomas too. Thomas kept thinking about Newt. He never knew what had happened to Newt but one thing for sure, Thomas knew Newt would never call him 'Tommy' ever again. Even though Thomas wanted to comfort Newt and hold that blonde guy so tight he knew he couldn't. And it was painful for him. Seeing Newt like that killed Thomas like hell. It ripped his heart like a knife. He wanted to do something, he wanted to help Newt. He wanted to ask what happened to him, he needed answers. 

"I can't stop thinking of him." Thomas said after he returned from daily run to Alby. Newt stood in the dark, near the woods. They almost couldn't see him.

"You gotta stop thinking of him, _shank_. It ain't make any better or any worse, he had changed. Accept it, Greenie."

"What changed him? Is he sick?" 

"No more questions, _shank_. If you ask me another question I'll throw you The Cliff." Alby said, Thomas knew Alby lied. Alby just didn't want to talk about Newt anymore, Thomas knew it must've hurt Alby as bad as it hurt him. Thomas watched Newt who's leaning against a bark of a tree. The darkness is swallowing him, Thomas stepped toward Newt after Alby left. 

"Newt?" Thomas asked when he got there, but then he realized Newt had gone.

* * *

 

"Where were you when I came to you last night?" Thomas said when he got up to the tree house where Newt usually sat. Newt ignored him, Newt's eyes are locked to the green vines on the walls. Newt looked awful, his face looked ten times sadder and stressed than ever before. Heaven knew what Newt was thinking. 

"Listen, I.. I just want to make sure you're fine," 

"I don't need your bloody pity, Tommy poser or whoever you bloody are," Newt said without even glancing at Thomas. 

An invisible hand choked him while a dagger stabbed through his heart. It felt so painful when those words flew from Newt's mouth. Thomas knew visiting Newt was going to be a terrible idea, but he believed it was worth trying. He was trying to find the right words to say but Newt cut him off, "Go away, I don't wanna see your shucking face!" 

"Newt, listen I--"

"GO!!!" Newt screamed, he gestured and pointed a knife at Thomas. A knife that Newt had been holding in his hand, which Thomas didn't notice. After that, Thomas never spoke to Newt again.

Days went by, there was no day without thoughts of death and his mother. Newt was starving, but he tried not to eat even though he in the end he gave up and ate what Frypan served him. But it'd been three days since the last time Newt ate. Newt heard the girl who was sent to the maze a day after Thomas was had woken up, but he didn't care of her. Newt wondered what comma felt like. 

Newt kept thinking of her mother, thinking of that there was no way out, everyone would die in this bloody maze one day. He couldn't take it, dilemma of killing himself again and giving these people to be trusted stroke his brain. He couldn't choose, he was too afraid to choose. Sometimes when his thoughts had gone scarier than he ever thought, he cut himself with the knife he had. He cut and watched his blood staining his pale skin, streaming down like tears.

Until one day, Newt couldn't take this any longer. He had been in a war against himself way too long. He had been broken for too long. He couldn't endure this. He had fallen, and he couldn't get up. At the end of the day, even the strongest would become weak and lose. At the end of the day, even the strongest would give up. One day, we're going to give up to : death, a thing that no human being can escape.

Newt went out running. He stepped out from the glade, he broke the number one rule. But no one was watching, no one was preventing him. He stopped running because he couldn't bear the pain in his leg. He pressed his face against the wall, it felt cold against Newt's skin. Terrified, anger, confused and lonely started climbing him from his toe. Tears were falling down, this time he didn't try to stop it. He needed to let it go, once and for all. Once again he climbed the wall. Once again, he threw himself down. But this time, he didn't wake up. He never did wake up.

**Author's Note:**

> What I was trying to say : Newt suffers Capgras Delusion. But he didn't know it, no one in the glade did. Because their memories were erased even if they had their memories, they probably wouldnt know a thing about Capgras delusion.if you are still confused, according to wikipedia Capgras Delusion is a disorder in which a person holds a delusion that a friend, spouse, parent, or other close family member has been replaced by an identical-looking impostor. The Capgras delusion is classified as a delusional misidentification syndrome, a class of delusional beliefs that involves the misidentification of people, places, or objects (usually not in conjunction). It can occur in acute, transient, or chronic forms. Cases in which patients hold the belief that time has been "warped" or "substituted" have also been reported. In other words, it's a disorder where you can not identify someone's face but you can identify his/her voice. This syndrome is really rare.


End file.
